Just a quick update. Took an amazing ballet class today. It’s so funny, dancing is like riding a bike. Once you learn, once you’ve trained, your body never forgets.I’m doing ok. I’m kind of bummed lately. I’m really struggling with the idea of training less. So pardon as I work through this here in my journal. I like to keep things light, but I also like keeping it real. I’m feeling kind of ready to quit all of this and just say forget it because I no longer feel the need to challenge myself to get to the overall goal. I hate sounding so down but man, I know what Samson felt like when they chopped off all of his hair and he lost his power.

As my body gets smaller, out will go the strength and power that has been steadily improvong over the last 7 months or so. I feel like I try to be an example of what a highly trained and finely tuned female body can be, and the potential it can have when you push to your limits. It’s become ingrained in the fiber of my being. With no outlet to show my work I feel kind of lost now.

I’ve been considering just focusing on my work in the media, I’ve been dabbling with the idea of finally getting a hosting agent to start doing fitness related work in film and tv on a larger scale. I’d already been doing that, but put it on the back burner as I focused on this new goal of competing. I also wanted to update my book so that I can secure a new print agent here in LA, one more directly related in fitness and athletics. We have plenty here in LA. Ha, maybe I’ll be like a chocolate Jaime Eason or something to that effect, at least partly because I want to write and get more into journalism and inspiring other women to push to their limit – all the while still train a limited/exclusive number of clients because I crave that interaction still.

I have a habit of saying fuck it when situations piss me off, or if I feel resistance because I’ve learned that when you are truly on the path to your purpose in life, things fall into place. This could all be the universe trying to tell me that my work here is done and its time to move on. When you’re on the right path, it feels good. Right now I ain’t feeling good.


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