Shit.

I don’t know how to start this or to explain exactly what’s going on with me right now, so I’m going to just start typing so please bare with me, and if you make it to the end of however long this diatribe happens to be, then thank you.

Today is just a weird day for me. It’s been just a weird week actually.

Um, I’ve been going through this mindset lately that I’m on a path that is greater than anything I have ever expected. I feel like I’ve made some decisions career-wise, life-wise, that were at one point just a fantasy in my head, but slowly I’m realizing these things coming to fruition, and it’s crazy to think that one’s dreams can come true before your eyes. But they can, and they do. For the longest time, I thought that certain “things” had to be in place in order for me to even be relevant or worthy enough to accomplish my goals. But every step I took to lay the foundation of my hopeful future has proven that that is not even what the reality is. The reality is that none of that matters because when you feel a true calling to do what you love and what you’re passionate about, it doesn’t even matter what you’ve done before or who you are, your message and what you wish to share will be heard.

And since having this realization, the things that seemed to “matter” most to me, suddenly became a little less important. Like it’s almost as though if the other things don’t fall into place, I’ll be ok. I’ll BE OKAY. And I know that I’ll still accomplish the things I set out to do no matter what.

As of late, I’m still on the path to prepping for this new division. And I’m not going to lie. I’m scared. I’m nervous about not being good enough. I’m nervous about being “too much _fill_in_the_blank.” I’m worried about putting in all of this hard work to only see disappoinment again. But at the same time, those very things I fear fuel me to push harder. 

Up to this point it’s actually been easy. I’ve been sort of half assing my way through prep, working hard, but not working hard enough. Sticking to my plan, but not sticking to it enough. Setting the bar high, but resting on my laurels that I know that I’m already near where I want to be, but that’s not enough. Because when you want something, and REALLY want it, you move heaven and earth, hell and high water to get what it is that you crave. And you stop no matter what. That’s the focus I need to find for myself right now.

I think in order for me to do that I have to be in one of my modes again to step away from EVERYTHING. Right now on my plate I have a project that I’m launching in 2 weeks, the seedling of something that I didn’t think possible to do right now where I’m at, but I decided I will accomplish it, and now I am. I have a stable of clients that I am so proud of that I want to do absolutely everything in my power to see succeed. I need to be there for them 110%, as I’m dedicated to my job as a coach and trainer, it’s what brings me great joy and the opportunity to give back in a way that I’ve never before. I am so thankful that my clients entrust me with their health/fitness/body image/confidence/and more than words can describe. I feel honored to lead the way. And then there’s me…

I had to make the decision to walk away from a few people right now, and to accept that I need to really focus on myself to reach my fullest potential. I think that this season can be my best yet if I can just stay focused and never give up on what I can truly reach if I can see it before I “see it.” I’m not sure what the universe has in store for me, but there’s something about the time right NOW that feels like I’m on the brink of something amazing. And I’m not sure at all what it is, but it’s just a hunch, and I’m afraid sometimes to own up to that, so I run away from it.

Right now, I need to face these fears, grasp my potential and run the hell on with it.

So for now, I’ll see you guys after my show. Thank you for being there for me. But now, I think I need to be there, take my own hand, and lead the way for myself.