Anxiety Setting In

Today has come and gone. I must say, by the time I started training I felt SOO energized. I always get so much energy when I train. I love sharing this gift of fitness with others. It’s my natural pick me up.It’s also official… I submitted my application for the show, and got my confirmation email back from Jon Lindsay so it is done. I am officially signed up as an NPC Competitor. Since there is no refund, lol there’s no turning back and I will be hitting that stage no matter what. Gosh now I’m kinda nervous, well not in a bad way. Just in a way of not knowing what to fully expect of MYSELF. It’s funny because I feel like I look good, I’m nervous about coming in too lean. I’m really trying my best to make sure I maintain where I am. I’m nervous that maybe I “THINK” I look ok, but really it’s my imagination. I had some problems about 10-15 years ago with eating disorders when I was a hard core dancer (I was in some of the top dance schools in NY and shit was always crazy about weight and stuff), so although my relationship with food is actually pretty solid, I have to sometimes remind myself that what I see (or think I see) in the mirror isn’t what everyone else sees. I was watching this video on the Gaspari site of Ava Cowan, and she was talking about her prep for one of the NY shows. She said something along the lines of retaining water in her glutes, and her glutes looked fab to me, but then AAAALL of a sudden I’m asking myself, OMG am I retaining water in my glutes? lol  Yeah. See. Crazy. The difference between me now and me then when I had issues is that I can step back and see that I’m fcuking crazy and reign that ish in.

I keep thinking to myself, wow, what if I’m doing all this hard work and I don’t even place, I come in dead last. That would kinda suck. I’m super competitive, lol, no wonder I was good at sports.

I think too much. Sometimes I need to turn my brain off.

Ok here’s a question, do any of you guys use Liquid Sun Rayz? I’m going to order it, however, how are you applying it? Searched for the answer to this on their website and on google and couldn’t find anything on this brand specifically. It comes in a spray bottle, are you just spraying it on that way and then smoothing out? I thought I read something about a misto spray bottle, but can’t remember where.

Uuugggh my brain.


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