2 Weeks Out From My First Show!

Exhausted!! My gosh I came home and conked out, went to sleep. 

Today was a rest day. I feel so guilty at times when I rest, I’m such a workaholic. Yesterday I smashed my leg workout. Put in a few exercises I haven’t hit in a while: hack squats, heavy olympic bar deadlifts, plate loaded lying squat machine, included just a little upper body for a nice total body workout as I knew I’d take today off. So I mixed up a little bit of decline bench presses w/ db and full body pull ups. Post workout, I fueled up with some Isopure – 40 g of pure whey isolate, nothing else. No carbs, fat, nothing. It was good. Funny enough, except for my chest just a bit, the rest of my body isn’t sore. I don’t get sore anymore. And I mean, I’m DYING by the end of my workout. Working to failure in most cases by the last rep. I’ve been focusing lately on staying btw the 8-12 range depending on the motion and body part. 

I don’t worry about the fact that I don’t get sore anymore as any testament to anything. I know the facts behind the soreness thing, however, I love how every once in a while you have that “OOOOH I WORKED OUT” feeling. Now that feeling comes in the form of, DAYUUUM I NEED TO FCUKING SLEEP, post workout, sometimes the next day. Weird.

2 weeks out. And it’s all so surreal. I have to admit about myself, I strive to be the best at whatever I do. I don’t know how to do any less. I never have. I don’t do things just to do them, I do things with a goal in mind and I stop at nothing until I achieve that goal. Since that very night in the late to mid 90s when I first saw Madonna Grimes and Lisa Lowe on ESPN, I knew that one day I had to do that too. I could, I had what it took to be on that stage competing in the Jan Tana Pro, or Fitness America, or The Galaxy.

(Madonna Grimes)


(Lisa Lowe)


These women were the first women that I knew of that were muscular AND sexy. Fit AND feminine. And they were probably the reason why I got into training. I’ve been a trainer since 1998. Nearly 13 years now. And life comes and goes. Things come up. I was in college through the early part of 2000s. I was dancing professionally, I was performing on stages across the US and Europe. I started acting, and modeling in NYC. I kinda downplayed my role as a fitness professional for the pursuit of art. Although my passion for it never died. I was good, I am good, damn good as a trainer. I always felt my purpose and role on this Earth is to inspire as many as I can. And for so long, I thought that medium would be through my art. And in so many ways it has been. But you know when destiny has something in store for you, and you keep trying to push toward what you THINK you want and need, and how you meet resistance. You find successes, you may find a great deal of it too. However, there’s always MORE that you feel you can do… I realized somewhere that I have a true gift of teaching, and imparting knowledge on others. I realize that I had a much BIGGER destiny than the path that I was following, however, sometimes you need to travel down a road to pick up things and to learn certain lessons, so when you are on the right path, all else falls into place. And you are therefore armed with even more experience to insure success.

When I finally became emancipated from slavery, ie, quit my day job working at a gym as a trainer (the last gym I worked at was the Sports Club LA – supposedly a luxury club but it was a DEATH TRAP FOR THE SOUL), I decided to follow my life MY WAY, and do only what feels good. Here, now, at the age of 30, on the eve of my 31st bday, I am fully aware of the next chapter of my life. And for the first time, I feel so free, I feel so fulfilled on this journey, and I am very anxious and a little scared of what I think I can achieve. You see if you want something badly enough, and you put all of your thought and energy into it, and you work for it, you persist, and you never give up, you draw that very thing you strive for to you. It’s energy, it’s life, and our world is governed by it. 

I don’t know what the end result will be when I step on the stage on Sept 11th. What I do know is that like those that have come before me, the very women who have inspired me, and the very women who are CURRENTLY competing who inspire me greatly (Ava Cowan, Alicia Marie, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Madonna Grimes – still even though she doesn’t compete, Heather Mae French, Tanji Johnson, and others) resonate in me in a way I can’t describe. I think it takes a certain kind of person to rise to the top. And the only way you can get there is if you are fearless, and unapologetic about claiming it. It’s THAT that separates those who do it, and those who LIVE it. And it’s THAT that makes the ones we love, whom inspire all of us, rise to the top. Because if you step on stage with apologies, and doubt, then you do yourself a great disservice. There are too many others in the world ready to chop you down, so fuck a bunch of screwing yourself. 

I am unapologetic to say, yes I have a goal, and that goal is to be the best I can be. I am related to Albert Beckles. If you don’t know who he is, then here’s his Wikepida. He is a pivotal figure in the world of Body Building. Funny enough I have yet to meet him, but I’ve known of him for years. My father was a basketball player, my mother a track athlete, my grandmother a dancer. Athleticism runs through my veins, and the warrior urge to be a champion runs deep in my blood. I don’t know how else to be, but all I know is that when I set my mind to do something, IT GETS DONE. 

As I spend the last day at 30 years old, I will reflect back on where life has led me thus far. And I rest assured that at 31 I’m about to embark on a path that even my wildest dreams can’t imagine. And I’m ready for the ride. So here we go… I’m not too sure how often I’m going to update my journal from now on, but for those that have followed my story to this point, I thank you. Always remember, make NO apologies. The next two weeks I’m going to really just hone in on myself, my body, my mind, and all that stuff. I need to get lost in my prep, do some meditating, and enjoy every moment of creating this sculpture I call my body and get it ready to present it on this stage.

Carpe diem.