So I’ve been away from here, wrapping myself in my own cocoon of work, training, expanding my business, focusing on a film I’m doing, and some other things. I’ve been contemplating how much of myself I should share with others because sometimes I feel when you give too much of yourself, you don’t have enough to focus on self and keep sight of goals. But then I realize that it’s really cathartic for me to let this stuff out that’s in my brain. That I don’t talk to people in my own life much about “me” per se, because I am in so many ways a kind of private person when it comes to my reality offline. So even if these words never fall upon another eye, to me, it’s sort of a way to get it all out and look back for myself to see how I have/am evolved/evolving as an individual, as a fitness professional, and as a competitor.

I’m such a perfectionist. Everything about my expectations for self are at the utmost highest level possible. I had someone say to me that figure is a competitve division, and you have to be the best to win, and maybe switching to another division where the competition isn’t as steep would be another way to go pro easier. That kind of offended me #1, and #2 what a cop out way to go. First off, you do a division because you love it. Not because it’s easier to turn pro due to numbers. Not to prove anything to anyone else. #2, I’m pretty confident that if I continue to keep focus and bringing my BEST each and everytime I step on stage, it will be rewarded one day, and I will reach my goal — in figure. I’m not saying it will happen tomorrow, or next year, or whatever. I just know that I have a goal and it will be accomplished. Period. I’ve never fallen short of the things I set my mind to do. Who the hell is in a rat race anyways?

This off-season has been doing very well for me. I’m back up to my normal 137-140. But I’m in better shape this time around. Like more muscularly dense, which feels great. My biggest goal right now is to just continue to build my back and shoulders (of course, aren’t we all), and to keep the muscularity of my legs which really comes natural to me. I’m still overall pretty lean, I hover near 17-18% normally without doing crap.

My first goal for next year was to just step on stage at various points locally for the practice of just being out there, and the sake of practicing for myself. Since the shows were all near/pre-cursers to the National level shows I’m actually focusing on, it was no big deal to me. But I think my overall plan will be to just focus on the National level shows, and do only 1 local show to qualify for the national level in 2012. If I can grab top 3 again in a NQ, I’m good and safe for round 2 of Nationals the following year. So the plan is Team U, USAs right after, and then Nationals in Nov. But Nationals is really up in the air, that one is really just “see how I feel, and if MY BODY IS UP TO IT.” I plan on taking a long steady prep into Team U because I’m not all about the craziness of trying to kill myself in 12 weeks to be ready. So even now, as I am working out and training, on a totally different protocol than I was pre-contest, 7 months away, my focus is on that moment on stage.

Suit color has been chosen, I just need to confirm with the designer my choice so it can be made. I will cathartically stone it myself, the design has been set since Sept, stones already chosen and need to just be ordered. Posing practice happens after every workout for about 10-15 mins. My training has been revamped to see the most improvements that I can between now (or actually since mid-Nov) and day one of my pre-contest work. I’m lucky in that I’ve been working out and training with weights for about 13 years before competiting, so at the age of 31 now, I have some good muscular density and maturity. It’s a matter of small tweaks from here, and bringing down these legs just a bit.

It’s funny because I moved to LA as an actor/dancer who happened to be a long time trainer with a back burner desire to compete. 2 1/2 years later, my name as a trainer has been steadily building around the who’s who in LA, I’m no longer focusing on my performing career, and I’m finally living out my real dream of a career in fitness that I kinda put off for so long (one way beyond the gym which was my reality for a long time, it’s now more than that). As I reflect back on this year, this was the year I decided to do it all my way. I left the comfort – let me rephrase that… “Comfort” of working for a big box gym, and took a chance at establishing my own company and brand. I’m now doing things that I’d only thought that the lucky few get to do. And this is not even the apex of it all.

I can only do what’s my best. And my personal best is my eye of perfection, I never settle for mediocrity. As I look at pics of myself from the past shows I’ve done this year, all I can see is what needs to get better. For some, that may be negative, but for me it keeps me hungry. I can say I absolutely hated the pics of me from the Eastern USAs, lol, I wish I could just bury them, but I have no control of that. I thank the judges for seeing any potential in me because I’m kinda disappointed in myself that day in retrospect.  I only hope that 2011 is the year I blow my own expectations way out of the water.

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