I’m still in transition. And I realize I’m really going through a period of emotional, mental, and spiritual growth. I felt this maturing going on when I hit 21, then again at 25. So this one, at the age of 31, dawning on my 32nd birthday (in one month and 5 days). Because I realize that right now, I’m in the midst of a rebirth of who I am as a whole, and where I see the trajectory of my life going. So all the shit I’ve been experiencing over the last few weeks are all directly related to this emotional and mental transition. I know when I emerge as a whole, I’ll have a new perspective on my life, my worth, and my future. 31 is SUCH an awkward year. It’s like, you’re an adult now. Really an adult. And you can’t get away with the dumb shit you used to do in your 20s. And you can’t really depend on mom and dad to take away your financial worries or indulgences because you need to stand on your own feet and be responsible and pay for your own dispensible shit. lol. Well I am in the land of sugar daddy thangs, but I’m so not into that. I’m far too independant to depend on someone else (although I do prefer my boyfriends to drive one of the following: Mercedes, Porsche, Ferrari, Maserati… Only because I really like fast cars. But what I’ve learned is that most men who own those kind of toys are DOUCHE BAGS, and I get bored, and I’d much rather be single anyways – or at least that’s what I tell myself when I cry myself to sleep over a glass of wine while staring into my cat’s eyes… Haha  I haven’t done that in a while.). That was really TMI, and I’m half joking.

So anyways, huge transition I’m going through that I’m trying to swim through. When I have the final breakthrough I’ll be at a new point in my life, and I’m excited about that.

Today’s workout has been good. Today was weights, a 500 rep workout, and that was followed by a 90 minute high intensity dance class. The workout looked like this:

10 min cardio warm up

Following exercises performed one after the other, minimal rest. 1m to 90s rest after the last exercise, then repeat 5 times.

Squat to OH Swing (single arm) – Cable (2s) and DB (3s) – 20r
Cable Spidermans – 20r
Alt Rev Lunge + DB Bicep Curl – 20r
Rope Tricep Ext w/ Single Leg Side Hops – 20r
Pilates High Jack knife + Rev Crunch w/ Double Leg Ext (parallel to floor) 20r

This was followed by two minutes of cardio after the last exercise. Each circuit I did a new type of cardio and it was done as this:

Set 1: Treadmill Run @ 5.5
Set 2: Jacob’s Ladder

Set 3: Elliptical 120 Strides/Min
Set 4: Bike 70 RPM
Set 5: Stairmill Level 7

So all of that, then dance class, and next is my 2.5 mile run tonight. I’m feeling good. I need to drink more water, as I’m thirsty as hell.

The next few months I need to also sit and focus on my career. I need to start doing the things that are in my head, and putting it into action. I really want to do a shoot with Natalie Minh. I’m waiting until I lose a couple of more pounds so that I don’t look massive in my pics. I’m trying to target some of the commercial/mainstream agencies here in LA. I’m looking at getting a new print and on-camera commercial agent. I’m also looking to hook up with someone who can rep me directly with TV hosting. I really would like someone to take the helm in helping me to develop and build my brand in the media world. I have a lot of ideas I really want to explore, and I’m at the point where my current management can’t handle that, and I certainly can’t do all of this stuff on my own. It takes SO MUCH WORK to get yourself out there and to get in front of the right people. It’s a full time job. I put a lot on hold for the sake of competing. So after November, I’m definitely going to take some time off so that I can focus on the commercial aspect of my work. I miss it. I miss being on camera. I miss the crazy hustle of getting to auditions. I miss shooting. I miss it all. So it’s definitely time to get back 100%. Breaktime is over.

But before any of this stuff pops off, I’ve got to be 100% sure of myself with my head in the right place. LA is a very harsh town. I thought NY was rough. This town will eat you up and spit you out skinned alive. If you don’t have your head in the right place, it leaves you extremely vulnerable to collapse under the weight of Hollywoodland.

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