My word. Life is so damn crazy sometimes. I can’t even get into what’s been going on. It’s just a lot.  My best friend is in the hospital, he almost died. Had pneumonia, days before the ER sent him home saying he had the flu. In 10 days, his lungs collapsed, and kidneys failed. They had to induce a coma, and he almost died. Mind you, I found out he was in the hospital because of Facebook. A mutual friend told me she thinks something is really wrong with him because of the msgs on his wall. See, he and I had this fall out over something really fucking STUPID and hadn’t talked to each other since Dec 2010.   Dumb crap, I know. But anyways, we have ALL THE SAME FRIENDS because we’ve known each other for over a decade and went to school together etc. And he works down the block from my house so all I gotta do is call the place up (I used to teach dance classes there) and see where he is. Anyways so the stress of that alone was a huge blow. I rushed to the hospital to see him within 20 mins of finding out about the situation, like I was on autopilot. His mom flew in from the East Coast, and he was coherent and out of the coma for about 2-3 days. We were both emotional when we saw each other, and I can say I missed him SO MUCH and it’s a joy to have him in my life. So basically I’ve been to the hospital daily, then driving his mom around with a few errands and dropping her off at night from late hospital visits. But life has to drum on, so I’m a trooper and I keep on trekking. He’s not 100% by any means, but he’s better. He’s at about 35-40% right now. He has to have dialysis for no one knows how long, maybe for life or until they decide if he needs his kidneys replaced. He’s an AMAZING professional dancer and choreographer, now he barely has the strength to walk. He needs to be on oxygen until his lungs are stronger, even after he gets out of the hospital. He’s dropped about 40 lbs. It’s just wild. But again, he’s a fighter and we are all here for him. Me the most, he’s like my brother.So with all of that, my diet went off for a few days. Not in a bad way. I mean for the most part I missed a few meals, ate some candy (Lemon Heads that his mom had damn fuckin sugar balls that taste SO good, and 2 packs of peanut butter cups – Reese’s). Then one night I was SO hungry because I missed my meals for almost the whole day, I went to the grocery store and they had this amazingly delicious broiled tri tip steak. Well I picked that up and a bag of salad. The thing was about .6 lbs of meat… Well I ate the whole thing!! With the greens! My anabolic boost the next few days after that was THROUGH THE ROOF let me tell you. Talk about creatine, wheeeew, the amount in that beef plus my SizeOn that I take anyways had me pumped like no other. lol. It was gooooood. Anyways, I bought some more last night, but this time I only had one serving. 

Ok enough of that. Let’s get to what you really came here for. My progress. Well folks, sit back and take a look at this.

So this was a 12 week difference. Well just under 12 weeks actually. Probably like 11 weeks. It’s funny how we perceive ourselves when we look in the mirror. Because you see yourself daily, it’s very easy to get critical and notice every flaw. It’s very easy as well to not see progress as clear as a bell. Well, for the last few days I had to calm my own brain. Remember I told you I kind of operate on a duality mindset. There is the very irrational competitor side to me who only sees the stage as the final result, then there’s the actual coach/trainer side of me who knocks competition Roxie back to reality and sees the broad spectrum of everything encompassed. So I have a very critical eye of where I want myself to be, I have a fierce competitive side that wants to win, and I have the rational side that balances everything and forms the game plan to that result and beyond. Every time I step on the stage there MUST be progress, or else what are you getting up there for again? We don’t want to see the same package, we want to see you evolved. And THAT’S the most fun part of all of this for me.

I’m at a point right now where I am really pleased with my progress and where my body is headed. So I have 6.5 weeks now to tweak to perfection. I’m not done just yet because this specific task isn’t done until Nov 19th, 2011. Then I will have a new task at hand, which is called rest, recovery, and relaxation. Swining into this last show is putting things into perspective for me. Look at what I’ve accomplished this year. Look at where I’ve been. I’ve gone beyond my wildest dreams, learned many new lessons along the way. I feel like I NOW am ready to hit the national level. I thought I was before. I wasn’t.

The next 6.5 weeks I feel ready to enjoy the process, to challenge my body by way of performance. In fact, I’m no longer going to step on the scale except for every 2 weeks when I need to adjust my calories and macros to keep the progress moving along. I wrote on my calendar ballpark figures of where I’d love for my weight to fall as a means of motivation. But for me, it doesn’t come from that. My motivation comes from seeing the physical change and shape of my body and how much I can kick my own ass in the gym. THAT’S what it’s about. Because when everything is in place, the aesthics follow. So now, what are you REALLY training for, huh? What are YOU really training for?


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