You know what, I wrote a long explaination of what’s going on in my head. But I decided to just delete it. I’m just not comfortable revealing that much of my inner most thoughts.

I haven’t decided what I’m going to do. I think some refocusing is in order. My hotel and flight are already paid for, so I may have to do this no matter what. I just seriously need to step back and find another motivation than placing well. I’m a little nervous about being too muscular/big, not soft enough/too conditioned/not conditioned enough, should do WPD, should just give the shit up, etc. At the end of the day, I can only bring my best, and if my best is too athletic or whatever, then at least I can say I tried right?

My focus needs to shift right now. I need to find my joy in training again. I need to reconnect with my fearless approach to reaching my best physically, aesthically, and in athletic peformance. 

I will finish this post with something I need to live by daily:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

– Steve Jobs

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”

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