My journal is all about pure honesty and whatever word and brain vomit comes out of my fingertips, so please don’t be mad at me.

You know the more I think about the Cals the more annoyed/angry with myself I get. My shoulders were TOTALLY up in my front pose and I can’t figure out where I picked that up because I didn’t practice that… Everytime I see pics or watch the video my mom recorded, I get all mentally like But here’s the good news, it’s that diappointment that fuels me. It pushes me forward to always reach for my best and to make each time I step on stage to be even futher heightened than the last. For me, it’s been sorta like an inner fire set that pushes me to levels I never thought I’d reach. And Lord knows, I love challenges. When I think that something so simple as posing caused me a drop in a placing, it makes me just go back to the drawing board to begin again. It keeps you humble that’s for sure. I don’t want to go into my national level shows with too much confidence. I want to go in hungry. Hungry to do my best, to show my best, to have fun up there and soak up EVERY SINGLE MOMENT on that stage. Being on stage makes me feel so alive, I love it. And the road to that stage for me is one of triumph, hard ass work, sweat, and grit. I feel empowered, but there’s always room to improve. For me this is the ultimate test of the knowledge I’ve acquired over the years, forcing me to turn it all on myself and put my money where my mouth is. If I can’t transform myself to the most elite level of physical condition that I can naturally and genetically achieve, how can I do it for anyone else…

So anyways, just wanted to share that. I know I can’t be alone in that feeling. Being so close, but the minor totally controllable things stand in the way. But one cannot dwell in the past, only look toward the future and enjoy the present.

So I hit the gym today and rocked out my workout. As stated above, here is the video of all the stuff I posted. I did 2 big giant sets today, pretty high volume work actually. (Pay no attention to the end of the video, that’s more for the people who follow me on YouTube and not here, they are still sending me PMs trying to figure out what happened at the cals. I’m behind in updating my video diary.)

Tomorrow I’ll post the video of me in the posing room at Gold’s working on getting this shit right.

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